When Eryn's play worsened, Farragut coaches Dennis Lindsay and Jessica Stephens thought about benching her, but she still had an impact as a leader. “I would be standing on the sideline at the end of the game and virtually carry her. “She would push herself to get through those games and I have no idea how she was able to do that,” said Eryn’s mom, Katrenia. She ate about 1,000 calories in a day a high-level healthy high school athlete should eat close to 3,000. It was hard for her family to watch.īy the end of the season, she was barely eating. Eryn had been known for her aggressive, physical play and now she was being knocked off the ball. The eating disorder also took over soccer. “I was, because my mind was overtaken by the eating disorder voice ‘ED.’ It feels like that part of my life, I was in a cage, so when we talk about it now, it feels like I'm outside of the cage.” Why she kept playing soccer “Whenever I think about that time, I constantly feel like a different person,” Eryn said. It’s only now that she realizes she wasn’t in control of that either. She became addicted to the feeling and kept restricting more and more to feel like she was the one in control of her body if nothing else. The feeling of getting through a day, through a soccer game, while restricting herself was like a high at first. “I went from making these decisions to better my body in my workout to not fueling myself with the right amounts of food or types, and not really fueling at all after.” “It went from a healthy controlling to a very non-healthy controlling,” she said. “Everything just basically crumbled apart in front of me,” Eryn said.Įach of her support systems had been disrupted: her parents got divorced and sold her childhood home, her sister was studying abroad, her youth pastor moved away, she broke up with her boyfriend, her club soccer team was reorganized.Įryn had been focusing on eating better for soccer, so it seemed that was the one thing she could control. rarely eating anything that didn’t come in a 100-calorie pack. Now that the season was over, Eryn was down to about 500 calories a day. The 16-year-old had lost about 50 pounds since the start of soccer season, about a four-month span. Her doctor had given her two weeks to gain weight, but she had only lost more. In December 2016, two months before she started the blog, Eryn was admitted to the hospital at about 85 pounds on her 5-foot-7 frame. Eryn, a Farragut soccer player, will receive the Courage Award at the Knox News Sports Awards on Thursday. Going public made anorexia even more real, and publishing Eryn’s Journey became a turning point in her recovery. “I felt even more myself walking into school after the blog because I wasn’t hiding it anymore." “I tried to hide it before and everyone suspected, but then whenever I posted that blog, it sort of validated the rumors to make it real,” Eryn said. She was nervous about admitting to the world that she was anorexic and sharing the details of her recovery, but mostly, Eryn was relieved to stop hiding. Watch Video: Battling anorexia, Knoxville soccer player Eryn Hill starts blogĮryn Hill hit the publish button on her first blog post and felt relief.
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